


The Rain

by rvsirene



Series: Hayffie Summer Week [2]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Hayffie Summer Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 13:16:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20136058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvsirene/pseuds/rvsirene
Summary: “Ever since the rain I've been living days too slowLie around and wait for a heart I used to know.”A story based off of The Rain by Oh Wonder.





	The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> For Hayffie Summer Week.  
Day 2: Turn The Volume Up!

Haymitch jolted awake, feeling the cold sheets beside him, instinctively searching for something... 

He was panting.

It seemed going back to his old life was only causing more nightmares.

Haymitch had a suspicion about what was causing his sudden unrest.

He was missing the person that used to sleep beside him and calm him down.

He was missing _Effie_.

It was stupid. They had only got to see each other a few months a year at most but he _craved_ her. Being away from her in Thirteen had been bad enough. When he had gotten her back again, when he had _found_ her...

He thought he'd never have to leave her again.

But here he was in Twelve with Katniss doing a _shit_ job at looking after himself let alone anyone else...

_He_ _loved_ _Effie_.

It wasn't so scary to admit in his empty house.

She promised she would call but she called very sparingly and Haymitch thought she was still upset with him, about him having to leave.

He wanted her to be here so _badly_...

Haymitch toyed with the idea of calling her. He always did after he had a night like this. But he didn't know what time it was and he didn't want to disturb her.

He wasn’t sure she’d want to hear from him anyway 

So he opened the cupboard and pulled out a bottle.

He didn't drink as much nowadays. At least, he tried to pretend for Katniss' sake.

But he felt so empty...

He wanted to drink until the sun rose and the darkness would fade away. The dark always had him feeling more lonely than usual. The suffocating darkness that was so greatly contrasted the bright sun. He hadn't realised it at first but he _needed_ brightness to survive. Brightness that came in blinding wigs and ridiculous outfits every year to hoard him onto a train...

He fell asleep before the sun rose and he wasn't sure it that was a blessing or a curse.

The next day was slow.

But _at_ _least_ there were the shadows that the sun casted and the birds chirping. At least there was something alive and _living_ that day.

He waited and waited but when it was clear Katniss didn't need him that day, he finished the bottle from the night before and then he grabbed another.

He was so _desperate_ to see her walk through the door, to _hold_ her. Or even just drink in her features. Just looking at her, _alive_ and _safe_ and _beautiful_...

That night he dreams for the first time in a while.

She's in the meadow and he's walking with her.

He can feel the heat and weight of her palm in his, they're just walking.

It's not until his house comes into view that he realises they're going _home_.

And then she's reaching up to grab his face at his door. She's leaning in and their lips brush before he's opening the door and pushing her inside.

He can hear her giggles so clearly... He can feel her warm mouth against his... The smell of her perfume... 

He wakes up and for a moment he can _feel_ her.

The weight of her body next to him on the mattress, he can _feel_ _her_...

The feeling disappears in a flash and Haymitch _can’t_ _breathe_...

His ears are ringing and it takes him a moment to realise it's the phone.

Haymitch stomps down the stairs to answer, still half asleep.

"Hello?" He snaps.

"Haymitch." His breath is stolen at the sound of her voice. It sounds so much _better_ than in his dream. "They're bringing Peeta home," she announces but it's in a neutral tone.

"And?" He prompts.

"I need you to make sure he's okay by waiting at the station."

His heart plummets. He had thought she'd take advantage of this excuse to at least visit...

"Are you not coming?" He asks plainly because he's not sure how much longer he can wait for her. She's right there, in the Capitol. If he could he'd be there with her right now. He'd go anywhere if he could to alleviate this _tightness_ in his chest...

"I-What do you mean?" She stutters uncharacteristically.

"Are you coming home with Peeta?" There's a long silence. "I'll take that as a no then," he sighs, irritated. He pulls the phone away from his ear to hang up but she speaks so loudly that he hears her before he could press the button...

"Don't hang up!" Effie shouts desperately. He presses the phone back to his ear but doesn’t reply. "I _do_ miss you Haymitch." She sounded sad and that made Haymitch confused. If she missed him, why not come and stay with him? _What_ _was_ _keeping_ _her_ _in_ _the_ _Capitol?_

"I miss you too," he said quietly when she didn't continue speaking. He wasn’t sure what she wanted from him.

"I don't know if jumping into a relationship would be for the best right now," she confessed. "I don't know how to _exist_ yet. These past few months I've simply existed around Peeta and now that he's leaving... I think it would be best for me to find my feet on my own right now. I don't even know if I'm ready to be in a relationship. I mean, sex is-"

"We don't have to do anything you're not ready for sweetheart," he interrupted her. "There's spare houses, you don't even have to live with me." He was _so_ desperate to see her face... Even if she didn't want to date him. It would kill him, seeing her date someone else but if she was in Twelve he could protect her and make sure that she was _happy_ and...

"That's very kind of you," she spoke carefully. "I just... I think I need time." Her words hung in the air and he felt his chest tighten that bit more. He _really_ missed her, the idea of never knowing if she was coming back was giving him anxiety.

"I promise I will come," she said suddenly as if she could hear his thoughts. "I promise Haymitch. I _love_ you, still I _really_ do." The words only made him feel worse. "But I want to do this properly. I want to be able to live by myself before I live with someone else. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," he grumbled. "It makes sense."

But it shouldn't make sense. If he hadn't left her she might've been with him right now, he knew was being selfish expecting her to come back... He didn't even explain he was going back to Twelve until he was about to leave. It hadn't crossed his mind before he had went back to get his stuff. He _really_ didn't deserve her, and now he was asking her to come back to him? She had _every_ _right_ to never want to see him again.

"I have to go," she announced regretfully. "Give my love to Katniss. Peeta will be back this weekend."

"Alright."

"Take care of them, and take care of yourself. I will see you soon." She hesitated for a moment before hanging up - as if expecting an answer.

Soon turned out to be longer than he expected.

He watched the boy come home with pure happiness.

Then he watched Katniss and Peeta grow closer with _jealousy_.

Haymitch knew, deep down that he didn't even deserve peace. He had failed _so_ many children, he had killed _so_ many people... He was being ungrateful.

_But_ _what_ _was_ _peace_ _without_ _her?_

He was trying so hard not to just give up.

It was painful to watch the kids laughing and giggling.

It was _torture_ to watch them fall in love with each other properly this time.

He missed having someone to do the same things with.

He _missed_ having that companionship with somebody...

She showed up almost a year later and she certainly didn't look like she was any better.

"Haymitch," she had said, her teeth chattering in the cold. It was raining heavily and she was _soaked_.

He let her in without a second thought.

He had been happy, _over_ _the_ _moon_, until she explained.

There was something heartbreaking about the fact that she had felt forced to see him. That she had come to him out of _desperation_ and not by her own choice...

"I need a favour," she had rushed out quickly. "I need to borrow some money." The words hung in the air for a moment before she seemed to panic. "I _promise_ it's not much and I will give it back as soon as I can. It didn't feel right asking over the phone and I was scared that-"

"Effie." Haymitch held up his hand to stop her panicked ramblings. "What's going on? Tell me what's got you so..."

_Terrified_, _stressed_, _scared_.

There were so many emotions running through her. He could see it, he could feel it. The same way he could feel her when they were in bed together, the same way he could feel her when he touched her...

"I've gotten into some trouble," she confessed quietly. "Please, I need your help. I'll do _anything_, whatever you want."

The way she said that, the way she offered... Haymitch had a distinct feeling she was offering him _something_ _else_. And the thought made him feel sick. Didn't she understand that he didn't want that from her? He didn't need her to sleep with him. He just needed _her_. Hadn't she come to that conclusion already?

"I don't want anything from you," he said quickly. "Effie, what do you need? How much?"

"About a thousand." She closed her eyes, clearly ashamed. It wasn’t hard for Haymitch to see she was feeling _mortified._

"Alright," Haymitch sighed. He could do that, he had money saved, more than enough to deal with that amount. "What the fuck did you get yourself into?" When he was faced with her silence, Haymitch felt his blood boil. "Sweetheart, I'm not giving you the money until you explain what the _fucks_ been going on."

She broke.

There was no other word for how her body simply lunged forward, bending in two as she buried her face in her hands, _everything_ came spilling out.

About how she couldn't find a job, how she'd borrowed some money from some shady people. How she'd been unable to pay it back and they'd gotten angry...

And then she'd started crying.

"_Effie_," he'd tried to shush her, to calm her down.

But the sight of Effie crying always broke his heart. Without much thought, he pulled her into his arms.

Haymitch wasn't one to comfort somebody, he didn't know how to make people feel better. But he tried, he rubbed her back, pat her shoulders...

She only stopped when he began to rub her nape.

It was something he used to do, when they'd spend hours in bed together or when she'd be stressed about a sponsor... He'd rub the back of her neck and tops of her shoulders because he knew she was _always_ tense there.

"I'm sorry," she said eventually. It was muffled in his shoulder and he let out a chuckle.

"It's fine, should be used to you throwing yourself at me by now, right?" He smirked. Slowly, she drew her face away, putting a more respectable distance between them.

"I've made a fool of myself." She tried to make light of it, pulling some of her hair away from her face and patting her eyes.

"Nah, you did the right thing princess." Haymitch helped her with her hair, pulling it the wet strands away... "You want a shower or something? I'll clean the guest room out for you." She studied him for a moment before nodding.

"I probably shoul." Effie stood up, turning around to head upstairs - she didn't need directions in his house. But he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder...

"Hey? Princess?" She turned back to face him, her face an image of insecurity and confusion. "We'll figure everything out in the morning, okay?" She nodded. And with that, he set to cleaning up the guest room.

It didn't take long for him to be settling down in bed.

Usually, he'd drag himself to bed when he was really drunk, or just pass out on the couch. But Effie being there gave him more of a reason to be responsible. _Selfishly_, he was happy she was here. Ever since Peeta had returned, calls from her had gotten more and more scarce. Haymitch had been worried, maybe she had found another man, maybe she was moving on whilst he was waiting on her...

To say that her struggling made him _happy_ would've been wrong. As awful as the idea of Effie moving on was to Haymitch, at least it would've meant she was doing alright. But the knowledge that she'd been struggling just like him, gave him some comfort.

That is until he remembers that she's not here because she needs _him_, she's here because she needs his money and she's too embarrassed to ask the children...

He's still tossing and turning when he hears it.

_Effie's_ _screaming_.

And before he knows it, Haymitch is running down the hall to her room. Convinced someone's come to get her. That someone's come to take her away... He's left his knife on his bedside table but he doesn't let that stop him. He's competent enough with his hands. The thought of someone making her scream like that, it makes him want to _kill_ somebody.

He bursts through the door to find her curled in the corner of the room on the bed. Her hair is stuck to her face with sweat and the only sound is both of their heavy breathing.

"Nightmare?" He asks breathlessly. She doesn't react and Haymitch curses under his breath. He should've thought it through more, instead of coming in all guns blazing. Clearly he's startled her more.

"It's alright Effie, it's just a nightmare." When she still doesn’t react, he carefully moves towards her, making sure to use slow and obvious movements.

He settles himself on the bed and coils his left hand around her ankle, slowly moving his thumb up and down in what he hoped was a comforting gesture...

"Come back sweetheart," he tries. Her breathing was slowing down and it didn't take her long to come back to reality.

"Haymitch," she whispers eventually. Seemingly without thinking, she climbs into his lap. Her legs on either side of his, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and her head buried in his chest.

Haymitch freezes for a minute. It wasn't like they'd never been in this position before, but it was certainly a lot less _innocent_. He didn't have the heart to deny her though, not when she was shaking and _scared_...

"It's okay, Princess, calm down," he said in a hopefully calming voice... His hand held the back of her neck over her hair whilst this other arm snaked around her waist, holding her firmly against him as she calmed down.

"I'm sorry," she whispered eventually, a touch of embarrassment in her voice.

"It's okay," Haymitch shrugged, she had seen him in worse states. "You want some tea?" She took a moment to properly wake up before nodding and climbing off of him.

When she appeared in the kitchen a few minutes later, she was hugging herself.

"You can sit down," he said awkwardly. He didn't know why things were so _uncomfortable_ between them now.

_She's_ _never_ _been_ _that_ _vulnerable_ _with_ _him_ _before_, a part of his mind supplies. The most vulnerable he had seen her before tonight was when she showed him her bare face. And that couldn't compare to the torture she'd endured. It couldn't compare to her nightmares now...

Haymitch knew all too well how something that traumatic changed you 

"Okay," she said quietly, taking a seat at the end of his table. He placed the two mugs down and sat next to her. "Tell me, is yours spiked?" She chuckled. Haymitch smirked at her attempt to joke around but shook his head.

"It's not." He gestured to her cup. "Do you want me to put some in yours?"

"I think I'm good."

They sat in tense silence for a few moments.

Effie was taking regular but small sips of her mug and Haymitch was simply staring at the wood of his table.

His mind wondered to the last time she'd been at his table. They had been _insatiable_, unable to make it to his bedroom so they'd just done it on his table instead... Then he had comforted her about the Quell, asked her to trust him. And she had.

Look where it had gotten her...

"Are you alright?" She asked, breaking the quiet after what must have been at least ten minutes.

"Yeah," he replied, snapping out of his thoughts. His gaze raked over what he could see of her... "Are you?"

"I feel better," she confessed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Wasn't sleeping," he shrugged. He hesitated for a moment, unsure of whether he should ask what he wanted to next... “Wanna talk about it?"

She was still for long enough that he knew she was thinking about it.

"I don't know," she confessed. "I don't remember the dream very well."

"That's okay," he offered. "You can..." his voice went for a moment, he wasn’t the kind of person that comforted people... "You can always talk to me princess, you know that?"

"This is about why I'm here, isn't it?" She chuckled bitterly. "I _am_ sorry. I didn't think we were on speaking terms, to be honest."

"I was just giving you some space." Haymitch ran his hand through his hair, scratching his neck a little to calm himself down. To get himself to _relax._ "I just wanted you to be happy."

"I know," she assured. She was mute again for a few minutes, clearly turning something over in her mind... "I still don't know if this is something I am ready for." She avoided his eyes, instead staring at the tea left in her cup. "I just... I want to feel like _before_."

"I don't think you can," he replied honestly. "I think you've just got to-"

"Don't give me advice," she snapped suddenly, her face was hard. She was annoyed. “You're hardly the best example for getting over things."

Haymitch closed his mouth quickly. His body flew backwards into the chair, trying to put some space between them.

Is that what she thought of him? That he wasn't over his family? That he...

"I'm sorry!" She said quickly. "I didn't mean that, please Haymitch..."

"You did," he sneered. "You wouldn't have said it if you didn't. If that's what you think of me then why come here? Why not go to the kids? Since clearly I'm-"

"_Please!_" She begged, clearly working herself into a state. "I didn’t mean it. It's just... I can't stand people keep telling me how to get better. It _never_ _works_ and I don't need to be patronised I-"

"I wasn't patronising you!" He interrupted. "You know what? Let's just leave it. I don't want to argue with you." Haymitch got up, putting his mug on the side as he went back to bed.

He was furious. Not only at her but at herself.

He had created some kind of idealised version of them in his mind, imagined that they could exist together... He had thought that she understood him, he had thought they would be good together. He was starting to see his naivety.

They had never _not_ argued. That was the entire basis of their relationship at one point, _how_ _could_ _he_ _have_ _forgotten_ _that?_

He settled under the duvet, closing his eyes tightly and hoping to sleep...

A part of him was upset at this outcome. He had spent _months_ waiting for her, desperate to feel the _stability_ of having her by his side. She made him feel better, more in _control_... He had _longed_ for that.

But this was just a mess...

He was still squeezing his eyes shut when he heard her walking up the stairs.

Haymitch went deadly still. Perhaps he could just wait for her to go to sleep, he could get some liquor and knock himself out. Or maybe he could just sit outside and watch the sun rise...

He felt her presence in the doorway before she spoke.

"Haymitch?" He heard her whisper. He didn't move, he didn't know what he wanted to do so he kept his eyes shut and waited... "Haymitch I know you're awake." She didn't sound angry, she sounded... _Raw_. As if all her walls were down. Maybe she had cried downstairs, he hadn't been listening closely after all... "I'm coming in."

Before he could open his eyes to ask exactly what that was supposed to mean, he felt the sheets lift and her weight on the bed. She shuffled in, careful not to touch him...

"I'm sorry," she said once she was situated. Haymitch begrudgingly opened his eyes to find her sat with her knees to her chest, facing forward and staring at his drawers... "I really didn't mean what I said. I have issues talking to people about this stuff. I just... I wanted to push you away." He didn't say anything but she didn't glance to check on him. "You are right. I can't be who I was before. I need to be a new person..." She sniffled and Haymitch looked up at her in concern. The movement must have caught her eye because she finally met his eyes... He couldn’t tell in the light whether she had been crying but he could tell she wasn’t anymore. "I need you," she confessed, not breaking eye contact. "I need you to help me, because I'm clearly no good at this moving on business and... I miss you."

She almost sounded like a child, so vulnerable and scared...

Haymitch sat up, joining her against the headboard, his legs stretched out straight.

"I miss you too," he replied. He didn't meet her eye because he couldn't bring himself to. He still disliked talking about his feelings even though he _was_ confident in them now.

Her hand reached out, tentatively touching his shoulder before moving to the back of his neck. Rubbing the tension away that he had been itching before... It was also one of her favourite ways to help him relax...

"Will you..." Her voice cracked and so she tried again. "Will you hold me?" He took a moment to process before pulling her into his arms.

They ended up falling asleep like that, in each other's arms...

Haymitch hoped this was the start of something _good_.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this wasn’t too bad, and I hope there wasn’t too many mistakes because I was very tired when I checked through this haha.  
This is from my hoard, that’s right, it’s one of the lucky ones that gets to see the light of day! I have a lot of stories based on songs from there, so I did debate literally posting them all. Then I was feeling angsty so I finished this one off instead. It’s actually a part of a little collection I wrote based on Oh Wonder songs, there’s a few lyrics of theirs that I loved and thought were very Hayffie so I planned a little story (although it’s more like a collection) based on them haha.  
I hope you enjoyed it anyway, even though it’s not super perfect or... I guess to my standards post worthy (but look! I posted it! That’s progress!)


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